oh beezy

miscellaneous cultural commentary from two urban twenty-somethings. on this here interweb, we go by "bee" and "zy."


So, miss JLH has introduced us to the concept of bedazzling your lady parts with expensive glittery sparklers. Forget a night out or a brazilian (pedestrian!)–if your sex/love life are bumming you out, it’s time to break out the Swarovskis. Really, whose vagina CAN’T afford that? It’s an essential!

Not much else needs to be said, I guess. Except that I can’t wait to see what Pat Robertson has to say about the pact JLH’s crystal-encrusted hoochie made with the devil in order to get this much publicity.


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some dreams must be shared

Such as this one:

I am Lindsay Lohan. I am bright and bubbly, at least for the moment.

I am attempting to branch out into directing. Unfortunately, when I arrive at the set of my new movie, my co-director is Janice Dickinson.

When I arrive she criticizes my clothes (I am wearing sneakers rather than boots) and informs me that I am not a director but, actually, have been downgraded to treasurer (a role I didn’t know existed on movie sets).

She then forces me to go to an amusement park where I am arrested while carrying a wax log (a prop?) which a police officer insists is filled with dangerous amounts of tobacco. I cannot reach my girlfriend via cellphone.

Then I realize the officer has not written down my name, leave, and arrive at set on time, in boots.

Interpret away.

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box o’ sketchy

This may or may not be the first installment in a series of posts from me (bee) on the unbearable lightness of online dating. I’ll keep this one brief.

I’d like to bestow the medal of sketchiest-message-received-thusfar to he who goes by Two-BackedBeast (click at your own risk) on OkCupid.com (also, click at your own risk, but for different reasons–i.e., potential addiction).

From: Two-BackedBeast

Subject: I Kiss…

Body: …your sweet Hapa hips. With ribald perfection I send you my enamors & fig leaf strudel.

Shall we dance?

Il Bestia

Talk amongst yourselves.

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nyt op-ed compromises: left-right talks, or PR move?

Usually the latter.

So, I was going to compose some elaborate commentary on the resuscitation of indulgence-granting in NYC churches, but it’ll have to wait. Because this NYT Op-Ed has me riled up.

A “reconciliation” on gay marriage? What, like it’s an arms race? Give me a break.  Oh, but wait. Let’s just compose ourselves and listen to the Brookings-American Values “solution” to our messy national debate:

It would work like this: Congress would bestow the status of federal civil unions on same-sex marriages and civil unions granted at the state level, thereby conferring upon them most or all of the federal benefits and rights of marriage. But there would be a condition: Washington would recognize only those unions licensed in states with robust religious-conscience exceptions, which provide that religious organizations need not recognize same-sex unions against their will. The federal government would also enact religious-conscience protections of its own. All of these changes would be enacted in the same bill.

But hold on! Don’t get riled up! You don’t know enough to be upset!

For those not immersed in the issue, our proposal may seem puzzling. For those deeply immersed, it may seem suspect. So allow us a few words by way of explanation.

Whatever our disagreements on the merits of gay marriage, we agree on two facts. First, most gay and lesbian Americans feel they need and deserve the perquisites and protections that accompany legal marriage. Second, many Americans of faith and many religious organizations have strong objections to same-sex unions. Neither of those realities is likely to change any time soon.

And so we should settle for civil unions and allow religious institutions to decide when to recognize them. Church and state–well, why not appeal to them both? Thank goodness Blankenhorn and Rauch have come up with this novel way to appease both moderate politicians and Prop 8 supporters and their ilk.  I didn’t want to have any more of those unhealthy, messy disagreements.  They explain it so well…

And while most Americans who favor keeping marriage as it has customarily been would prefer no legal recognition of same-sex unions at either the federal or the state level, we believe that they can live with federal civil unions — provided that no religious groups are forced to accept them as marriages. Many of these people may come to see civil unions as a compassionate compromise. For example, a PBS poll last fall found that 58 percent of white evangelicals under age 30 favor some form of legal same-sex union….When a reasonable accommodation on a tough issue seems possible, both sides should have the courage to explore it.

Except that this is bullshit. Appeasing evangelicals with a non-marriage offer is hardly courageous. I am not a half-person, and federal civil unions that can be freely ignored are just about as useful as permeable reproductive rights and mutable voting practices. When it comes to equality, there is no compromise.

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juvie sentencing excess: outrageous.

Juvie has never seemed like the best idea.  The kids who end up there, and they are kids, are exposed to the dangers and pathologies of prison culture for what are usually minor charges (or in the case of someone I once knew, charges invented by unstable parents).  So this story about the PA judges who have now pleaded guilty to sentencing juveniles for profit is one of the most horrifying criminal justice stories I’ve heard in a while.   (Solely domestic anyway–Abu Ghraib and the suspension of habeas corpus are no less horrific than they ever were.)

But one of the most shocking parts of the case is the fact that juveniles are not required to have legal representation in PA.

The United States Supreme Court ruled in 1967 that children have a constitutional right to counsel. But in Pennsylvania, as in at least 20 other states, children can waive counsel, and about half of the children that Judge Ciavarella sentenced had chosen to do so. Only Illinois, New Mexico and North Carolina require juveniles to have representation when they appear before judges.

Children should not have the right to waive counsel in a labyrinthine legal system that is clearly corrupt.  The U.S. is a country where most people cannot drive until 18, and all cannot vote until 18 or drink until 21.  Emancipation before the age of 18 must be approved by a judge on the grounds that being under 18 makes minors unfit to take care of themselves.  Having a system that tries minors without ensuring their supervision does not protect their privacy–it leaves them vulnerable, exposed to the whims of judges or advocates who may or may not come to their defense.

I wish there was some petition or movement to create a federal requirement for minors’ legal representation in court cases. If I find one, I’ll post it here.  In the meantime, please do visit the Juvenile Law Center, to donate and find out more about the case.

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From an old boingboing posting.

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referring to Diane Keaton as “‘Because I Said So’ co-star:” wtf?

Perhaps (and hopefully), in my admittedly sleep-deprived haze, I’m missing that this is a joke… Because I Said So Co-Star Lands Huge Book Deal.

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relationship for rent

jewelry_inlaid_keysCoincidentally, two days in a row I heard references (coming from people who don’t know each other) to girls (who also don’t know each other) who either actively or half-jokingly use guys for a free place to sleep/live. Is this a trend I’ve been heretofore unaware of? Could the ability to meet someone and work one’s way into a relationship with lightening-fast move-in status be considered a skill?

I mentioned this to a person I’m currently flirting with, who responded, “Don’t worry. I charge $2.50 per night.”


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re: new L Word plotlines

Tom is lame. I repeat, lame.

And Elizabeth Berklee = herpes + lipstick. Gross.


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it’s called a scapegoat…

At an idea pitch meeting yesterday, the oddest (sounding) proposal came up.  Said one slightly nervous editor, “You all might be interested to know that in [unnamed African country] a goat has just been accused of stealing a car–it’s supposed to be the transformed body of a human car thief.  I think this could be a really interesting piece on [said African country’s] attitudes, especially during the oil crisis.”

Jaw hanging open.


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